This song was written a few days before I graduated from college and illustrates just how terrified I was about leaving a very familiar, comfortable world and stepping out into what I deemed (and still do) the dreadful, highly uncertain "real world."
lyrics
Goddamn these worries are crippling;
too much time on my hands, watching the fall of sand,
filled with anxiety.
And I'm scared of what's to become of me;
but I haven't done a thing, I hold myself to blame,
for this fear, these headaches, and this uncertainty.
I've re-read these lines at least 3,000 times;
but no connection.
I take a deep breath in and hold it down
till my head's crushing the words.
But I couldn't find inspiration from my self-asphyxiation
'cause everything's still such a blur.
Such a blur.
Hey look, it's something new;
yet it's the same glaze of eyes unglued.
I swear this page has multiplied;
now I've got red, red teary eyes.
White fists to red and then to blue and then to black;
blood splattered on this window pane;
let it drain, passing out from the pain.
From the pain.
So I sing:
Goddamn.
These worries are really worrying me,
but I'm just sitting on my hands.
I've learned that half-assed efforts aren't
ever worth a fuck.
But I'm a repeat offender, yeah I just give up
and get drunk.
Restless for the night to fall,
yet rest falls less and less on me.
Now I'm walking to see the sun,
not for beauty, just something to see.
I watch it rise above the city,
I hear the bells begin to ring.
The people will soon file out of homes,
I know it's time for me to leave.
Goddamn.
These worries are really worrying me,
but I'm just sitting on my hands.
I've learned that half-assed efforts aren't
ever worth a fuck.
But I'm a repeat offender, yeah I just give up
and get drunk.
(again)
Oh how the time stands
still when you got nothing to do
so you just sit upon your hands.
Fall asleep in the afternoon
just to send the sun west.
Fall out of bed as the sun falls down
turn the lamp on, take a deep breath.
credits
from Nightly In Aspiration,
released June 20, 2013
Cassie on drums, percussion, and awesome vocal harmonies!
I wear my influences on my sleeve and I hope it comes out in the music. I know what I like and aspire to write like the
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