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Nightly In Aspiration

by Revisionists

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1.
Goddamn these worries are crippling; too much time on my hands, watching the fall of sand, filled with anxiety. And I'm scared of what's to become of me; but I haven't done a thing, I hold myself to blame, for this fear, these headaches, and this uncertainty. I've re-read these lines at least 3,000 times; but no connection. I take a deep breath in and hold it down till my head's crushing the words. But I couldn't find inspiration from my self-asphyxiation 'cause everything's still such a blur. Such a blur. Hey look, it's something new; yet it's the same glaze of eyes unglued. I swear this page has multiplied; now I've got red, red teary eyes. White fists to red and then to blue and then to black; blood splattered on this window pane; let it drain, passing out from the pain. From the pain. So I sing: Goddamn. These worries are really worrying me, but I'm just sitting on my hands. I've learned that half-assed efforts aren't ever worth a fuck. But I'm a repeat offender, yeah I just give up and get drunk. Restless for the night to fall, yet rest falls less and less on me. Now I'm walking to see the sun, not for beauty, just something to see. I watch it rise above the city, I hear the bells begin to ring. The people will soon file out of homes, I know it's time for me to leave. Goddamn. These worries are really worrying me, but I'm just sitting on my hands. I've learned that half-assed efforts aren't ever worth a fuck. But I'm a repeat offender, yeah I just give up and get drunk. (again) Oh how the time stands still when you got nothing to do so you just sit upon your hands. Fall asleep in the afternoon just to send the sun west. Fall out of bed as the sun falls down turn the lamp on, take a deep breath.
2.
Drain 05:55
When the sun begins to sink into the ground I hear that flowing swirl and have to keep from screaming out; Oh it’s a draining sound. Oh dear mom can you recall when you wrote to me? Almost two years ago; you said you’d take heed of my advice. But I see that not much has changed and it really shows. You say you’re too old to change, so should I get out the shovel for your burial? When you limit your sights to the ground you might as well start digging. Sometimes acceptance isn’t the best strategy for living: When what you accept about yourself is that which kills you. Yes that glass in your hand may very well be the end of you. Hey mother, what’s draining you? I've seen the levee’s steady fall. Sinking down, you may dissolve into a mess of resignation and defeat. Futile cries for your mother; pot kettle black talk of your brother. I wanna clear your weary eyes and show you the signs that you’re still loved. And how do you think this reflects upon your kids? I've seen the empty stare in the eyes that share my blood. And goddamn this isn’t easy for me. It’s hard to have this talk but i can’t not speak. I’m gonna say what i need to say before you’re gone, before it’s too late.
3.
Please tell my friends I've gone away for awhile. I tried to make it work in Austin but for now I can't stay. Tell 'em about my 6th street dreams, being a part of that punk rock scene. With the faithful one by my side, maybe next year I'll get it right. But for now I find myself back in my teenage room. And the walls are bare, there's no posters anywhere; It's hard to see this house as home. Oh when I was seventeen sleeping in-between these walls I never dreamed I'd be singing this song at 24 but that's okay, yeah that's alright because I'm still fighting this war. I'm gonna sit by the moon and the stars in the cold. And I'll purge from my head all those nights that I said that I can't go on, I'm gonna set 'em to the sun with those ghosts from my past and let em burn, let em burn until they're gone. Please tell the one whose name I can't bring myself to say. I still think about her sometimes, sometimes every single day. Tell here the anger's left my blood, all that's left is concern and love. I'd rather see my 'ships float than let small cracks sink them below. 'Cause if our last encounter will be our last encounter then peace won't come easy to my mind. I would rather make her smile than wake up in her bed. Oh tell her that's what I said. Yeah tell her that's what I said. 'Cause when I'm taking my last few breaths I'd rather not see sunken ships come to surface in my head. So while I'm young, I'll patch the holes that endanger our wild hearts. I don't expect to sail together but I hope that you and I and everyone that I love will sail, will sail, will sail on.
4.
sometimes I find myself staring at the wall; no stream of thoughts are running through my head at all. so I go for a walk. where the heat of the day’s been sucked into the street; springing onto my face, now my face has sprung a few leaks. it beats the vacant daydreams. well I sing with the birds, and I bark at the dogs. and I think they suspect my mind’s not quite right, and I know when the people pass they think I’m not quite right... but hey, I’m doing alright, yeah for now I’m fine. just give me a song that I can sing for my careless walk down these city streets 'cause I’m so tired of waking from vacant dreams and I’m so sick of all this noise around me, the red in my eyes and the pressure just to breathe. I’d rather sing with the birds and bark at the dogs, I’d rather sing these 1950 songs. if the formula works, then why the hell not. sometimes living through others is all that I got. and tonight I’ll drink till I’m inspired, I'm gonna toast the moon and stars for the night sky. and for finding the fire still burning inside so I’ll keep on breathing 'cause it’s what keeps us alive.
5.
High frequencies: they keep you from deep sleep. Rattling in your brain, yet you can’t awake. Strapped down with the key in sight. Now the twitching’s in your eyes. Struggling with the fact that you can’t make it out . Crippling frames of the person you could become (are) flooding your addled brain, “Oh dear God, please let me wake”. 'Cause the rattling persists in your head. Now the sheets are soaking wet. Waves of higher frequencies, “Someone shake me from this sick scene”. So then your mother walks into your room. And she’s the mother you used to know. And she says,"son, don’t be afraid of what may come..." And then she hums a soothing song unlike the mother you now know: "Sweet honey child, don't sleep too long. God raised the curtain of the night and now the sun shines on. So wipe away your red eyes and come outside. God has got a plan for you, just take his hand to see it through." And she’s dressed in white just like you remember. And now you’re so at peace, you forget to breathe.
6.
Transcend 04:43
Take a deep breath in, close my eyes, count to ten. Makes it feel like the whole world stops. But i know the world keeps on spinning. It keeps on... Despite this arm scrawling out black cries Marking the pulp within this page but nothing else, that’s what i fear. But soon these lines fall down and the notes are found. Makes me feel in control of something. Listen to this heart pump in my chest. Feel the pressure build up in my neck. Pushing for the words to flood my head. ...the right words. So I find myself picking at the cracks. Pushing out to get a push back. Crumble down these walls choking my path; I wanna swell the empty caverns swirling in my head. ‘cause in a world that takes I feel that i should give: To myself, to my friends, to an ear that appreciates not some trite remark or another cheap sentiment but all I have are these chords and this voice that shakes with every attempt not to sound too cliched... But fuck it, I’ll sing and play anyway... I'll sing and play anyway. To the faces on my walls With the birds, amongst the dogs. Underneath this Van Gogh sky, In the midst of moonlight. Throughout the caverns of your head, Upon the comfort of my bed. Inbetween inactive days, Outside your door, until you wake. Beside the river, near firelight, Far past the life from which I hide. Within a tree below the sun, Despite the cold air inside my lungs. From above a falling star, Toward the strings around your heart. Down the spirals of your ears, Against the idea that nothing I do will transcend beyond my years.

about

This is a collection of recordings I put on the back burner to focus on my other album, Send The Sun West. I finally got around to giving these songs the attention I feel they deserve and I'm relieved to get them off of my hard drive and out into the interwebs.

Themes of boredom, anxiety, frustration, self-doubt, acceptance, happiness, peace, death, and transcendence can be found woven throughout.

credits

released June 20, 2013

Much thanks to Cassie for tracking drums (and harmony vocals) on "Sitting on Hands" and "Drain" and to Ben for tracking drums on "Sail On," "High Frequencies," and "Transcend".

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Revisionists Austin, Texas

I wear my influences on my sleeve and I hope it comes out in the music. I know what I like and aspire to write like the bands and songwriters that inspire me while at the same time putting my own personal stamp on the music. In the words of Frank Turner, "I know I don't break new ground, many have travelled this sound, but I try to make it sound like home..." ... more

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